Inferior
by Austrian Artemis
Summary: When Artemis is transferred to an American school, he isn't very happy with the way things are. However, he soon finds himself trying to get the approval of these people of "inferior intelligence".    Not very original plot, better things will come.
1. Chapter 1

Whoever designed this school needs to be hit on his head. Very hard. They call this safe? The entire building is covered in glass windows! This is "Tornado Alley", and this is an accident waiting to happen. But it would be my place of business for the next year and a half, so what choice did I have?

Some education director from Ireland decided it would be a marvelous idea to chose the most intelligent student from the top five schools in Ireland to become a foreign exchagne student to the United States. Why send the smartest? Send the least intelligent! Perhaps the different learning environment would assist them.

I walked through the door by the gymnasium. It was eight in the morning and school had just started. I was given a schedule by one of the secretaries in the main office, and she sent me on my way with a lollipop. Please don't get me started on lollipops. A waste of packaging, sugar, and paper. I put it in my shirt pocket and decided to give it away at lunchtime.

Now that the day had started, I took a look at the schedule. Advisory? What could that be? It's only eighteen minutes long! Absurd. Is this what American teenagers do with their time at school? Rediculous. I took a seat in room 208, near the windows. There were only two other people there. The girl who's house I was staying in until I returned home, and the teacher, Mr. O'Hara.

I suppose I should talk about this girl. Her name is Rachel Bennington, and she's my age, short brown hair, dark brown eyes. Her boyfriend came over on Saturday and gave me a thourough explanation about what would happen if he found out I was "fooling around" with his girlfriend. Please, I have better things to worry about. He was obviously confused when I showed no signs of terror. I told him not to worry and sent him on his merry way.

As more and more students filled up the classroom, I got more and more glances thrown my way. I tuned in on a conversation made by a group of girls across the room. I found they weren't very intelligent.

"Who's that?"

"That's the new transfer student."

"What's his name?"

"Artemis Fowl. Apparently he's an Irish prodigy."

"OMG! Isn't Gerard Butler Irish?"

"IDK. But this kid wrote some psychology papers or something, it was in the news last month."

"He's really cute, just look at his eyes."

"They're screwy. One is blue and one is hazel."

"I think they're pretty."

"Why on earth is his hair so dark? I don't think it should be legal to have hair that dark."

"Shut up, Carrie! He's looking at you."

"Carrie's-got-a-boyfriend!"

"Shut up! I've never spoken to him."

Girls. Aren't they supposed to mature before we do? Confusing. Mr. O'Hara got the class' attention after the bell rang. I'd hardly call it a bell, more like an alarm to signal the apocalypse.

"Is everyone in the right class? I know the schedules are hard to read, we got a new computer program this year, so even the teachers are a little confused."

Oh please? How much logical reasoning do these people have? They aren't that difficult to decipher, I thought. A girl walked in at the last minute and sat down by me, the only available seat. No surprise.

"Alright, everyone, just talk to the person next to you until the bell rings. You'll get locker assignments next class period."

I was not about to talk to this girl. Showing up late for class meant that you were either irresponsible because you didn't make it to class on time, or you were of inferior intelligence because you couldn't read the schedule. However, she began the conversation.

"Aren't you Artemis Fowl? I saw you on the news. I'd recognize your eyes anywhere."

"Yes, actually, I am. And you are?" I might as well be polite.

"I'm Catherine McDougal. It's a pleasure to meet you." She stuck out her hand.

"You as well." I returned her handshake, and wanted to go back to this new book by Brian Greene, but she just kept talking.

"So, Artemis, what class do you have first?" She asked me. Small talk.

"I'd hardly call this a class." I said, truthfully. I'd expect her to agree with me, but she began laughing her head off.

"I never thought a psychology buff would have a sense of humor. My friend Jamie said that you'd be funnier than I half-respected... I mean, expected... Wow, I'm good at messing up my speech."

"You want me to be funny? You're never to Jung to make a Freudian slip." I said. It was the funniest thing I could think of at the moment, and I didn't expect her to get it. Again, she cracked up laughing. By now we were getting odd looks from the classroom.

I looked down at my book and saw Mr. O'Hara come over to my desk. I thought, Hopefully I wouldn't get lectured for something as pointless as a joke! Instead he offered me a handshake. "Artemis Fowl, welcome to John J. Pershing Middle and Highschool. I hope you like it, although if you want advice, watch out for that boy in the back of the class, there. Adam Booke."

I glanced behind me and saw a delinquint-looking teen pass a bad full of mysterious substances over to another boy. Dressed in a black t-shirt and skinny jeans, he couldn't appear less intelligent. He eyed me and whispered something to his friend.

I had a bad feeling about that first day.


	2. Chapter 2

Adam and his friends were gathered in the courtyard shortly before first block ended. They had skipped class to plan this meeting.

"Adam, what are you gonna do to this Artemis kid?" Inquired Caleb, "Should we stain his suit?"

"Caleb, your such an idiot," Adam said, "We're gonna stuff some weed in his locker."

"Dude! I worked my *** to get that stuff! You know my grandma doesn't like me bringing home **** at one thirty in the morning!" Ron shouted. "And you're gonna waste it on that creep who's flirting with my girlfriend? He could never compete."

Adam held his left hand out. "Hand it over, Ron, and don't be so loud. The principle lady will hear us, and if I get busted for skipping class one more time, they'll send me to Juvi."

"Fine, whatever." Ron said. He opened his backpack and handed the Ziplock freezer bag with the marijuana plant in it over to Adam.

"See, not so hard. Caleb, Derek, watch Artemis when he opens his locker. I'll come during lunch and stuff **** in there to give him a warm welcome.

Caleb, not being very bright, spoke up. "Adam, why are we doing this to him? He didn't do nothin' to us."

Adam rolled his eyes. "Because, you *******, I don't like his expensive suit, his perfectly black hair, his huge brain, his ****ed up eyes, or his creepy accent. That's why." Adam turned, hiding the frustration in his eyes. He hated him. He envied him. And if he can't join 'em, beat 'em.

I heard the apocalypse bell ring and he took off for my first class, Geometry. I had been allowed to skip Algebra 1 and 2 because in the Irish curriculum at St. Bartleby's, I had already passed those levels. If you ask me I shouldn't even be here, or at least in Advanced Calculus. But apparently they didn't offer it until your senior year. How odd.

That delinquent Adam headed out a door that lead to the outside, I assumed to get to his class faster, but I should've known better at the time. Perhaps I assumed everyone here was as disciplined as the students at St. Bartleby's.

I passed Rachel in the hallway and she greeted me happily. I waved back at her without smiling and continued on my merry way. Her boyfriend followed behind her and pushed me against the lockers.

"Look, Artemis, I thought I made myself clear when I said to leave my girlfriend alone."

"Yes, you made it perfectly clear. I was simply giving her a friendly greeting." I answered. "Now please excuse me, I have to make it to Geometry."

"You little twerp. You don't get it, do you? Let me put it this way. I'm the lion, and you're the possum. Lion sees possum get out of hand, and lion hurts possum. Understand?" I glanced at Rachel, who had her head in her hands in shame.

I laughed aloud. "I understand the point you're trying to make, yes, but if I may, Lions and opossums don't live in the same environment. Lions live in Africa, and hunt larger prey such as antelope. There are no opossums in Africa, although if you consider the meerkat a relative of the opossum..." I was going to explain before I was rudely interrupted.

"Look, I don't know who you think you are..."

"I'm Artemis Fowl the second. Heir to the Fowl family fortune and child prodigy."

He shoved me harder against the lockers. I nearly cried when I felt a rip in my favorite suit. "... but you better lower that ego of yours or you may just have a broken nose. Got it?"

"Yes, actually, I do. Now can you put me down? That atrocious bell is about to ring."

Rachel laughed, but then looked concerned again. "Please, Ronnie, just put him down."

"Whatever. I don't have time for this."

Ronnie dropped me and my binder fell and dropped open. The bell rang.

Brilliant.

I don't know about you, but I hate America.


	3. Chapter 3

Walking into Mrs. Hartman's geometry class with a pile of unorganized books, folders, binders, etc. was not what I had planned for the first day of school. I explained to her why I was late, but she just seemed to treat me like a 'little kid'.

Mrs. Hartman pulled out her seating chart. I had to keep myself from sighing in disgust and/or laughing. Making a seating chart before you know the students? How idiotic! Some of these teachers made no sense to me.

She sat me down next to a blonde-haired boy in a blue t-shirt. He couldn't look more normal, for an American. . He leaned over and talked to me while Mrs. Hartman was going over the rules and expectations of the classroom.

"Hey," he said. "I'm Evan."

"Hello, Evan," I said, trying to be polite.

"Your eyes," he said, looking deeply into them. "They're mismatched. I'm assuming your father has blue eyes and your mother has hazel?"

"No," I said, avoiding the awkward situation.

"Care to elaborate?" He asked, scooting closer to me.

"No," I answered. "Mind your own business." I said. He spoke after another minute of silence.

"So, you're obviously not from here," he said, getting closer and talking with a more swaying voice. "I like your accent. Scottish?"

"Irish," I said, trying to sound as offended as possible. "Now will you shut up?"

Evan frowned. Mrs. Hartman turned around. "Boys, is there a problem?" She asked. Some of the other students snickered.

"No, Mrs. H." Evan answered.

"Yes! There is a problem!" I said. "I'm genuinely trying to listen but this annoying boy won't be silent!"

Mrs. Hartman nodded understandingly. "Evan, this is your first day of school. Please at least _try_ to make a good impression."

"Yes, Mrs. H." he said, and Mrs. Hartman went back to the lecture.

I could see Evan staring at me out of the corner of my eye the rest of class. He was 'freaking me out' as you might say.

When the apocalypse bell finally rung, I was already uneasy. As I tried to gather up my belongings as fast as possible and leave quickly. Evan caught me just as I was picking up my things.

"Hey, if you need a place to sit, you can join me and my friends at lunch today." He said. "I'd love it if you joined us."

I looked at him uneasily, and shook my head. "No, thanks, I'd rather not. May I respectfully decline?" I didn't wait for his answer. I headed out into the hallway as fast as I could walk to my next class.

A girl stopped me in the hallway. "Hey, you're Artemis Fowl, right?" She asked me.

"Yes, I am." I responded, and tried to walk away, but she followed me.

"It's great to meet you. Anyway, I sit in front of you in Geometry. I think you ought to know something. Evan is gay, and he quite obviously has taken a liking to you. So, if you're gay, then merry Christmas, but if you're straight then you might consider asking Mrs. H if you can change seats. Evan doesn't give up easily."

I looked at her like she was an angel sent from above. After a moment, I said, "Thank you, thank you very, very, very much. If there's anyway I might return the favor let me know.

_Oh my gosh, Fiona thought. __I'm talking to Artemis Fowl!_

"If there's anyway I might return the favor let me know." Artemis said.

_You could ask me out! She thought, and looked at him dreamily. __Start subtle, F. Subtle. _

"Oh! Well, if you insist, you could sit by Catherine and I at the lunch table. She told me about how she talked to you in homeroom."

_There we go! See, that wasn't so hard, F!_

"Well, alright. It's better than sitting by Evan. Now I have nothing against gay rights, but this boy frightens me! Well, I must be off to my next class. Thank you again, um, excuse me, I do not know your name."

_ tell him your name, F. Stick out your hand! C'mon!_

Fiona happily stuck her hand out for a handshake and dropped all of her belongings. She was so embarrassed she was about to cry. As a single tear fell down her face she turned away and said, "My name is Fiona Alderson."

The girl seemed nice enough. I helped her pick up her belongings and hoped neither of us would be late. We both grabbed the same folder, though, and she looked up at me and I looked at her simultaneously and a lot of people passing by snickered. I swore I saw tears in her blue eyes, but maybe I was mistaken.

"Well, good-bye, Fiona." I said, once all of her supplies were gathered.

"Bye, Artemis." She answered, and I hurried off to my Computers class.

Throughout the entire class, I couldn't stop thinking about Fiona. Why? I asked myself. She was, dare I say, attractive, yes, but wise in her use of vocabulary, and happy, and attractive, and…

What am I saying? Yes, she's pretty, but I couldn't possibly take a liking to her, I had just met her! It's simply hormones. And I always had to listen to the hormones.

Maybe, just maybe, I could try to adapt to the average teen ways and…

Dare I say,

Ask her out.


	4. Chapter 4

The lunch bell rang. Heavens, I must be insane. Don't get me wrong, I thought that Fiona Alderson was an impressive girl. She didn't slump over whenever she walked. She was attractive, yes. Her vocabulary was above-average. She used sarcasm, which I supposed implied a more developed sense of humor. All in all she seemed fairly nice, and, if I wanted to blend in and keep myself from being physically harmed, I better become accustomed to the teenage ways.

Everyone got up from their desk. I was in my American History class, which was actually pretty informing. The teacher, Mr. Baker, made it very clear that there were certain rules that had to be enforced in his classroom. He told us it would be one of the most challenging years of our lifetimes. I didn't doubt him. This teacher was frightening. He wore a sweatshirt with an American flag on it and carried a powerful-looking baseball bat with the words CAPTAIN AMERICA carved into it. He was the only teacher I had all day that actually kept me from thinking about Fiona. Mostly because he scared me.

As I walked down the hallway, Catherine caught up with me.

"Artemis!" She shouted from down the hall, caught in a group of girls. She finally broke free and ran towards me, trying to slow down, but she ran into some lockers. "Ouch." she said, rubbing her elbow.

"Ouch," I agreed. "Catherine, I'm not very educated in the ways of… being a teenager. If I say anything stupid, please assist me."

Catherine laughed. "Funny, Artemis. What do you want me to _assist _you with?" She put her hands by her face and shook them back and forth in a ridiculous fashion whenever she said 'assist'.

"Well, Fiona, she… seems nice." I said, probably the color of Julius Root right about now.

Catherine laughed again. "You like her, don't you?" She figured.

"Body language is a useful tool, I supposed." I said, and she shrugged innocently. "But, yes. I think I do."

Catherine smiled. "Well, what are you gonna do, ask her out?"

"Well, I thought about it, but I'm not sure how to, to be figurative, spit it out."

"Ha! That's easy. Just say, 'Fiona, would you like to go to the movies some time?' Just don't be nervous."

"Easier said that done, I assume."

"Probably. Ooh! Here she comes now!" She nudged me in the side.

Fiona stepped in the lunch line with us. "Hey guys!" She said, bubbly.

"Hello, Miss Alderson." Catherine hit me in the side with her elbow. "Ow! Erm… Fiona."

"Hi, Artemis," she said. "Hey Cathy."

Catherine broke in. "Artemis, weren't you going to tell her something?" She asked, again nudging me. It was getting annoying.

"Well, I…"

_Artemis Fowl said hello to you! Respond, F! Fiona thought._

"Hi, Artemis," she said. _Address your best friend, F! Geez! _"Hey, Cathy."

_Okay, just keep going. _

Catherine spoke. "Artemis, weren't you going to tell her something?"

_Artemis has something to tell me?_

"Well, I…" Artemis started.

"Yes?" Cathy said.

"I… I just wanted to know if you played chess. Yes, erm, chess."

"Oh," Fiona said, her voice falling. _Don't sound disappointed! Thank you, Jesus, for sending me Artemis Fowl. _"Yes, I do enjoy the game of chess."

_Thank you, Jesus. You're the man._

"That's…. good…" I said. I decided not to… 'ask her out' yet. I would wait. "The game of chess is very challenging.

"Actually," Fiona said. "I'm the queen of the chess club. Would you, possibly, like to join?" She asked hopefully.

"It's not like any of the sports clubs appeal to me," I said honestly. "Why not?"

Catherine laughed. "Artemis, I don't know if you've ever seen the movie Mean Girls…"

"…No." I interrupted.

"…Well, in the movie this girl is asked to join the Mathletes, assuming you can decipher the meaning of the word, and her friends say it's social suicide. Not that the school in the movie is like our school, but I saw how the jocks push you around. You might want to reconsider, if they find out you're a member of the chess club they'll tease you because they're jealous of how smart you are."

"Well, I'm sure I've already committed 'Social Suicide' by now. I'm a transfer student, if you haven't noticed." I argued. I'd have to see this ridiculous movie.

Catherine chuckled and shrugged. "I'm sure you have a point. I'm getting a salad, today," she said, moving up in the lunch line and grabbing a tray. "Fiona, help the Irish guy out." She walked away, grabbing a salad from the see-through refrigerator.

Fiona seemed nervous. "Alright, well, what would you like to eat?"

I looked around. My options were limited. Pizza, sub sandwich, salad, bread sticks with cheese inside, nachos, or some funny looking Chinese food. "Let's just get a sandwich." I offered.

"Sounds good," she said, and we awkwardly walked over and stood in the line for the sandwich.

I was taller than both Fiona and Catherine, but Catherine was taller than Fiona. Without the middle ground that was Catherine between us, I seemed like a giant standing next to Fiona and she looked like a shrimp standing next to me. I thought nervously that I should talk to her before she started talking to somebody else, which didn't sound selfish at the time.

"So, erm, tell me about chess club. You say you're the queen?" I asked.

"Oh, um, yeah," Fiona blushed. "We move up through the ranks. You'll start out as a pawn, but as you go through the tournaments you can move up or down. The only rank below the pawn - Master of Fail - was one that we established under my reign, and that was for Zach, who failed miserably at every game he played. Unfortunately due to the school policies we aren't allowed to kick anyone out of anything."

I chuckled. "Policies can get quite annoying."

Fiona was about to say something, but then the lunch lady said, "Next!" And Fiona had to order her sandwich. I followed her to the lunch table after mine was ordered, and took a seat next to her at the round, blue table.

At the table were mostly girls - maybe four, however there were a couple of boys. Catherine decided to play hostess, and she introduced me to all these new people who appeared to be fairly nice, the way they were smiling. Why not?

"Alright, guys. Here he is. The guest of honor," she started. Everyone said a casual greeting and let her continue. "Artemis Fowl the, um, third?" She asked me.

"Second, actually," I corrected. Mother said that I shouldn't go around correcting people if I 'was to make honest friends in the United States.' I decided I better listen. "…but it's alright." I continued, hoping that if mother was listening, which logical reasoning told me she wasn't, but just in case, I could please her. Maybe.

"Well, Fowl, welcome to America. It'll take some adjustments but I think you'll enjoy your stay," Catherine continued. "You've met myself, and Fiona, of course," by this time she was standing up, talking in a game-show host type of voice, and she was ridiculously comical. "Though you probably haven't met these other six people. Would you care to meet them?" She asked hilariously, holding a water bottle across the table, mimicking a microphone.

I looked at the water bottle/microphone, and looked up oddly at Catherine. A thought occurred to me. She had to be the class clown. Al of her friends were laughing, and Fiona, next to me, was bright red.

I smiled. Mother said to smile. "I don't see why not," I said, and Catherine pulled the microphone away.

"Alright, Mr. Creepy Smile," she said, and everyone laughed. My smile wasn't creepy, was it? "Let's start off by miss Alderson, shall we?" She laughed and pointed to the girl on the other side of Fiona.

Her long index finger pointed to a blonde girl with a very small nose who was laughing. "Here we have Quincy Murray, she's captain of the cheerleaders and currently failing Spanish, but she'll never cease to impress!" Quincy raised an eyebrow, but went back to laughing.

Catherine pointed at the next girl over, red hair and green eyes and a smile so big she could put Opal's evil smile to shame. "Next to Miss Murray we have Sarah Birmingham, who won Student Council president by a landslide against the one and only Zach Daniels!" She switched her finger to the boy next to her. "Zach sucks at chess but he's won every spelling bee since the second grade! Plays basketball on the A-team and scored thirty-five points in the latest game against the Kingston Lions!"

As everyone cheered, she moved on to the next boy sitting by Zach. "We have Chandler Smith, first chair trombone player and that's about it!" Chandler laughed and was about to say something, but she pointed to the girl next to him.

"Samantha DeSoto, our resident quiet-ish girl, sits third chair in the Pershing Orchestra, she would be first but she's stuck behind Asian prodigy Sohpie Chen and miss Fiona, here." I looked over at the bright red Fiona.

"You'll have to hear Sophie play a solo some time," she agreed, and Catherine continued.

"And last, but certainly not least, CeCe Newman," she said, sitting down. She spoke more quietly this time. "She used to be a drug user but we have since got her off the stuff and she's trying to convince all of her pot-head friends to do the same." Catherine nodded her head in the direction of the table farthest away from the door.

"Well, that's everyone. Unless somebody has something to add?" She looked around at her friends. They all shrugged, satisfied. "Artemis, any questions?" Everyone looked at me.

"I'm not used to being this social," I said honestly. "I just, I hope, I don't know how to word it. That I'll find my place here at this table." Everyone nodded. "Just, I thought that members of different groups sat together at the luncheon. Is that not how things work?"

Catherine grinned. "Artemis, every school in the country is like that. Just know that at this one, there is a table of… ambassadors, as we liked to be called. Sure, we hang out with our own groups, but this is where news comes in so we can keep up with everyone else."

I looked around. CeCe sat with her black hoodie on, smiling, but covering her eyes. Fiona had a chessboard on her shirt - which seemed a little stereotypical, Chandler tapping his finders while holding some sheet music in his lap. Samantha, being shy, sitting and looking over at Chandler's music. Zach wearing his basketball jersey, Sarah with a pencil stuck behind her head so you knew she was busy, and Quincy in her cheer uniform. But Catherine wore skinny jeans and a t-shirt with the Olympic rings on it. It seemed symbolic of what she was about to say.

"You see, Artemis, I'm like the United Nations leader Ban Ki-moon. I brought everyone together, hoping that we could all link up so we don't completely become stereotypes, you know?" She said, looking at everyone. "We have all the major groups represented here, as one big family. And you, Mr. Creepy Smile, represent Ireland. Represent transfer students. Represent the world outside this school. Remember that and you'll do just fine here at Pershing. She raised her water bottle and smiled.

Everyone else raised whatever they happened to be consuming as a beverage. Sports drinks, chocolate milk, water, lemonade, a diet coke. I looked down and clumsily grabbed my pint of skim milk and raised it.

"To the newest member of the unofficial ambassador's club," Catherine said aloud. "Mr. Creepy Smile, Ambassador of the world, prodigy at life, Artemis Fowl the second." She extended her water to the center of the table.

Everyone else did the same. "To Artemis!" They agreed happily. I looked over at Fiona, who was still bright red, but joining in the toast. Everyone banged their beverages together and simultaneously chugged them down.

I looked around, and everyone continued in their conversations. And I looked at my milk. I was now part of a family, a group of human friends who didn't take me seriously one-hundred-percent, but they weren't terrified of me, either.

I smiled. I don't know about you, but I love America.


	5. Chapter 5

We were all engaged in conversation. Lunch was almost over. Though I never saw her leave, CeCe returned to our table, scowling. She removed her black hoodie. She was actually fairly attractive, but you could tell that she'd gone through quite a bit of stress recently. Dark circles hung under her light brown eyes. Her dark brown hair needed some care, but all in all she didn't look too bad.

"Those pot-heads," she mumbled and she sat down in her seat by me. "Artemis, do not, under any circumstances, open your locker."

I raised an eyebrow. "May I ask why?"

"No," she explained. "Just, don't."

"Alright, if you insist." I continued eating my sandwich.

Fiona hadn't spoken to me all of lunch. Had I frightened her? Mother said I had that effect on some people. It's why Butler had not wanted to come with me. He said I needed real, human friends. The fairies wouldn't be enough.

Catherine stood up from across the table. "I've had it with you!" She jumped up, pointing at me.

I paused in mid-bite. "Excuse me?" I asked.

"You make me so mad, Artemis! I've only known you for one frickin' day but I'm so frickin' mad!"

"...frickin...?"

"You may be a genius but you don't have any guts, you know that? Spit it out!"

"I can assure you I have all my internal organs, Catherine."

"UGH! No! Just ask her out, already, will you!"

The entire table looked at me like I had the plague. Some people from other tables were also staring in our directions. I looked at Catherine angrily.

She continued on her rant. "Just ask her out!" She pointed at Fiona.  
>"I... em..."<p>

Oh

My

Gosh

_Artemis Fowl? Ask ME out?_ Fiona thought, and readjusted herself in her seat.

_Woah! Hold your horses, will you, F? He hasn't said anything yet. _

"I... em..." Artemis stuttered.

"Artemis," Fiona said. "We're you going to ask me out?" Try to sound shocked!

Artemis's blue eyes widened just a little. "...I...no. No. I... don't feel that way about you, Fiona."

Fiona sunk in her chair. _Nothing really matters anymore. Sit up!_ "Oh, well, um, okay."  
>_<p>

"Whatever!" Catherine said, sitting back down. I realized she must overreact a lot.

"Just don't come crying to me whenever you decide to change your mind!"

Sarah smirked and crossed her arms. A bag of empty snack mix sat in front of her.

"Someone ought to say that to Chandler about you," she muttered. Chandler turned red. So did Catherine.

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing…" Sarah said, and everyone smirked.

The rest of the lunch hour was fairly quiet, but it didn't matter all that much because it was only approximately five minutes. The principle came around and dismissed us by tables, and as the crowd of tenth graders went down the hallway, members of our table dissipated into the crowd, returning to the groups they came from.

Like a particle accelerator, I couldn't help thinking. Smashing the hadrons of different elements into each other in attempt to find a graviton.

Catherine caught up with me, though. She didn't really have a group to go to, neither did I. I saw Fiona avoiding the two of us, standing back and talking to Samantha quietly. She looked down at her feet the entire time. I wondered what she was depressed about.

"Hey," Catherine said, making the situation a lot more awkward than it had to be.

"Hello," I said. Hay is for horses. Mother once told me, though I'm sure if I said that now she would be overjoyed. Hey. Not part of the language I learned.

"Look, I'm sorry for exploding on you back there, but you better make a move before some other boy does. I'll have you know that Blaine Bennett has had a crush on her for quite a while, even if she doesn't know it yet. The point is, if you don't move now you may never get a chance again." Catherine explained, and I turned around to see Fiona.

Samantha was still standing next to her, but they had been joined by a tall, thin, almost white-headed boy with light blue eyes. He was trying to talk to Fiona, but she ignored him and just kept walking with Samantha.

When I turned back around, Catherine rolled her eyes. "That's him," she said. "It's almost hilarious because Fiona used to have a HUGE crush on him! But she's just too loud for him. He speaks at about 10 decibels, she speaks at, like, 100. She doesn't like him any more, but now she just wants to choke the little idiot because he's always trying to talk to her for some reason or another. He's actually pretty cute…" Catherine paused, looked at him, and then came back to the conversation. "Anyway… all I'm saying is that you have to ask her out before that gentleman over there does. He's much more polite than you are, Mr. Creepy Smile." We passed the classroom she was currently in and she stopped.

"I don't know, Catherine. I just think this is too extreme. It's just the hormones in my brain. Once I know her for a little while longer I'll consider it."

She shifted her weight onto one foot and crossed her arms. Raising an eyebrow, she looked me in the eyes. "You're gonna regret it, Artemis." She walked into the classroom and said nothing more.

CeCe passed me, following Catherine into the same classroom. "Remember, no locker today. I'll try'n get it all cleared up and s*** for you later today," she glanced to the side, reached back, and threw her black hood back over her eyes.

"Dr. Hitchcock makes her rounds to the tenth grade hallway after third block, so I'll be able to talk to her then. C'ya later, CS."

This probably would've been a half-intelligible conversation if I had known what in the world she was talking about.

Walking back into Mr. Baker's classroom, I paused. Adam Booke smirked whenever I entered, and the rest of his followers eyed me throughout the remainder of class.

When the horrid bell rang and I was leaving the class, I gathered my belongings and headed for the door, knowing I could decipher the map of the school and get to my art class. I turned around and headed to the end of the hallway, but Adam hit the top of my stack of folders and binders so hard that I dropped everything.

"Whoops, sorry," he said sarcastically, and walked away laughing. As much as I wanted to shout profanities at him, I held my tongue and gathered my things from the hallway floor. A couple of people stopped to help, including Blaine Bennett.

"Thank you," I muttered. He was the last person I wanted to talk to.

"No problem," he said, and he started following me down the hall. "You headed to art?" He inquired, and I nodded. I walked up the stairs and hoped he wouldn't say anything more. Unfortunately today wasn't my lucky day.

"Hey, I know I don't know you all that well," he began. You don't know me at all, I thought, but he continued by saying, "I saw you sitting by Fiona at lunch. Do you know why she's upset?"

Catherine's voice popped up behind me. "She said it was something about a boy." For the second time today I felt like shouting profanities, but again didn't.

"Oh," Blaine said, failing at sounding disappointed. "Did she recently break up with someone?" I could only be amazed at how bad of an actor he was.

"She's never had a boyfriend before, Blaine. She's always thought it would be better to have one, though, for her psychologically damaged mind because she has a very rocky relationship with her family her entire life." Catherine was spilling hot acid all over me right now.

"Oh, well, actually, Cathy," Blaine said, "I was thinking about asking her out. I guess you could say I've liked her for a while. Do you think that would make her feel better?" I've never punched anyone, but I was tempted to experiment on this boy.

Catherine kept going. "I really do, Blake. That's great that you're going to ask her out. She'll be thrilled!" She walked into the art room ahead of us, and I saw Blake's entire aura just light up. We were the last ones to arrive in the classroom, so I had no choice but to sit by him in the back. At least it wasn't Evan.

"Hey, I'm sorry, I never caught your name!" he said. Catherine was right. He did talk quietly. Too quietly.

"Artemis Fowl the second, heir to the Fowl family fortune." I said, angrily, making myself as intimidating as possible.

"I'm Blaine," he said. "And hopefully I'm not being rude when I say this, but your Scottish accent is really cool."


	6. Chapter 6

Sitting through art class was miserable. Our teacher was a little nutty, but I'm sure all artists were. She had asked us to bring in any pieces of artwork we liked or any that we had made and were especially proud of. I decided it would be too dangerous for Butler to send me The Fairy Thief from across the Atlantic. What made it miserable was the fact that Blaine couldn't stay focused on the lecture about the rules and such, and I knew what he was thinking about.

The bell rang. Blaine and I both simultaneously stood up and pushed in our chairs. I looked at him with an eyebrow raised and headed for the door.

I walked down to the orchestra room, and I met the teacher standing in front of the door. She had a little too much makeup on, but her smile suggested that she meant well. Her green eyes, though, told me that there was something hiding, a stressed woman that didn't want to come out quite yet. Her cheekbones were high, suggesting that she was part Native-American.

"Hello," she said to everyone politely as they walked in.

"Hello," I muttered semi-politely as I walked in the door.

"Mom!" I heard from the teacher's office. It was the voice of Catherine.

"What, sweetie?" The woman asked, rolling her eyes and walking in the door.

"Where's your diet coke?" Catherine said, and I heard the sound of a refrigerator opening.

The woman, Catherine's mother, came to the front of the room and sat in a zebra-striped chair. "I drank all of it! Now come sit down!" Catherine, disheartened, walked out of her mom's office and looked at the seating chart, currently in alphabetical order. We'd get our chance to sit in the right chairs once we took our first test. I was sitting in the middle of the first violins. An Asian girl sat in front of me, next to Fiona, who sat first chair. Catherine sat at the front of the seconds, and Samantha sat next to me.

The woman took a beat-up pencil and started banging it on the music stand in front of her. "Hello, everyone, I assume you know who I am, and for those of you who don't..." she glanced at me, "... I'm Mrs. McDougal. You may have met my daughter, Cathy," Catherine stood up and waved like the hyperactive person that she was. "...but I think you'll like orchestra."

As Mrs. McDougal went on, she talked about what we would be doing in orchestra and when our concerts would be and things like that. And as our last class of the day ended, the bell rang, and everyone let out a silent sigh because we wanted to be done with the first day of school.

I tried not to 'lose my cool', as CeCe had said earlier that day, whenever I saw Blake walked over from the viola section to talk to Fiona. Catherine pulled me over to the back of the seconds and we pretended to talk as we tried to listen to their conversation.

"Hey, Fiona, I've been meaning to say this for quite some time..." Blaine began.

"...okay..."

"But, I've liked you for some time and I wanted to know if some time you wanted to do something some time?" He was obviously so nervous he could barely speak without repeating the same words over and over again.

Maybe it was just my imagination, but Fiona seemed to glance my way. "Well, alright. Let's go see a movie or something."

"Okay, do you, uh, want to go see, uh, Eat Pray Love, or something?" He was expecting her to go see a feminine movie! Fiona was above that.

Catherine and Fiona both seemed to silently gag. "Oh, heavens, no," Catherine whispered, and Fiona had the same reaction.

"Uh, no. Let's go see Inception." She said, and Blaine seemed instantly relieved.

"Oh, okay, sure!" He said. "Well, should I, pick you up at five on Friday, maybe we could grab a bite to eat or something before hand?"

Fiona sighed. "Sure. I'll, uh, email you my address." She walked out of the orchestra room, leaving Blaine behind.

I wanted to follow her, but Catherine held me back and shook her head. "Allow me," she said, and followed her friend down the hall.

I knew Artemis had lost his opportunity for a long while whenever Blaine walked over to Fiona. After it was all over, she had agreed to go out with him and she walked down the hall. I knew where she was going. She'd always gone to the same place ever since sixth grade.

I opened the janitor's closet door and saw a tiny little figure curled up into a ball sitting behind the mop bucket. I turned on the light and closed the door behind me.

"Why'd ya do it? I asked her, and she looked up, half-surprised, the other half expecting.

"I...I...I want to know what it feels like," she replied after a while, and she sighed.

"To what?" I asked.

"To be loved."

I said nothing.

She continued. "I... I... I just, I want someone to appreciate me for who I am. Blaine knows me. And Artemis doesn't like me, so, I thought, I'll give Blake a chance. Maybe Artemis and I aren't... as cheesy as it sounds... meant to be."

I rolled my eyes. "He does like you, he told me himself, he just thinks it's "unreliable teenage hormones" so he's going to wait until he knows you better." I hated bailing on Artemis like that, but Fiona's whole figure just seemed to light up.

"Really?" She asked, her eyes glazing over, but soon returning to sadness. "I've already accepted Blaine's invitation, and he's really nice, and I used to like him, so, maybe I'll just give him a chance." She rubbed her eyes and tried to stand up.

I helped her, but before she opened the door, she turned and asked me something. "Do you like him?"

I rolled my eyes. "Artemis? I figured you'd ask me that. Truthfully, I don't think he's meant for me. I think I'd have a much better chance with Chandler." I winked, and opened the door, and left.


	7. Chapter 7

I avoided my locker and just took everything home and put it in a backpack which Rachel's parents had given me the day before, and I'd been carrying it on my arm all day. It was very generous of them to give me one, especially since they were already letting me stay in their house.

Rachel found me in the orchestra room after school talking to Catherine and her mother at around four. She appeared in the door in her PMHS red and black cheerleader uniform. "C'mon, Artemis. We gotta walk home. Cheer practice is over." I said a quick good-bye to the McDougals, retrieved my backpack from a random chair and followed her down the hall and out the door I had seen Adam go through earlier that day.

Rachel lived half a mile from school. She said we would take the nature trail back to her house, and how scenic the walk was. "In the winter everything is duller," she explained and continued walking. "but the way the street light from the corner shines off the ice crystals is so awesome."

Though I thought she was being very poetic and this was a possibility for the most intelligent conversation I'd had all day, I could only panic and think, "Half a mile?"  
>When we finally reached the large oak tree that marked the Bennington's backyard, I was out of breath. Rachel rolled her eyes and took my backpack off my shoulder and swung it over hers. She reminded me of Holly the way she rolled her eyes at me and carried so much while walking so confidently. "Geez, Fowl!" She exclaimed at me. "Your mother told me you were out of shape but I never thought half a mile would kill anyone!"<p>

I struggled in the front door. Rachel had dropped my backpack in the entryway. "I'll be working on my homework," I announced, and pulled my designated geometry folder out of my backpack and went to the computer. Mrs. Hartman had given us all a code to the online textbook, which I figured would help me not carry so much on my way home.

I logged on to the Benningtons' computer under the user account they had created for me, and the picture was even set as the chess pieces photo. I opened the internet, and Skype immediately appeared, and my mother's distressed face appeared on the screen.

"Artemis!" She cried happily, and smiled her winning smile.

"Mother?" I asked confusedly. "What... How did you do that?"

"Oh, Arty, I've been trying to talk to you for hours!"

"I'm sorry, mother, I just returned back to the Benningtons'. Rachel had cheerleading practice and I was talking to some people in the orchestra room, so all was well."

"Some people?" She asked suspiciously.

"Yes, Mrs. McDougal, the orchestra teacher, and her daughter Catherine."

"So, Catherine, is she cute?"

"Mother!" I said, rolled my eyes, and was about to cut her off, but I stopped my mouse from clicking. Last time that happened she turned a shade of purple and didn't allow me to leave the house for quite a while.

"I'm just curious," she said semi-honestly.

"Mother, I will not answer that question. She is quite the joke-maker, though, I will say that. She also knew me previously because she had read my psychology papers." I said, that was the truth.

She was relieved I had made a friend. A friend that was a girl at that. "Did you meet anyone else?" She asked.

"Yes, several people."

"Make any friends?"

"A few less than several, but I'm fairly certain I did."

"Human friends?"

"Yes, mother."

"Oh, don't act so disgusted, so tell me about the people you met."

"Well, Catherine was fairly nice to me and showed me around, and Fiona, her..." I paused. I warned myself to be careful. "...friend, and I also met everyone else that sits at their table during the luncheon. Samantha, violinist, CeCe, ex-drug dealer, Quincy, cheerleader, Chandler, trombone player, Zach, star of the basketball team, and Sarah, student council president. I've also met Adam, who seems to be quite the delinquint, and Rachel's boyfriend, who threatened to turn my insides into an entree to be served to the Prime Minister, and, erm, Evan."

"Oh, Arty, that's wonderful! I can't believe you've made so many friends!" She exclaimed, and then stopped. "But you didn't say anything about Evan, tell me about Evan."

I could feel the awkward radiating around the Benningtons' webcam. "I'd rather not, mother."

"Why ever not?"

"He's... interesting."

She scoweled and pointed a finger at the screen. "Arty, I know not everyone is as smart as you, but you can't talk about mentally disabled people like that. If you were mentally-" I cut her off.

"...He's not mentally disabled, mother."

"Then tell me about him."

"Alright, mother, if you must know, he frightens me. He's a homosexual."

If awkwardness was a missle shot from an American plane in World War Two, I was a falling Kamikaze.

"...excuse me?" She said, looking me in the eye, if she could do that from across an ocean.

"He's... homosexual, mother. He's gay."

Mother paused, and stopped the conversation there. "Alright, well, that's... just... be safe sweetheart. Call me!" And her face disappeared, and the Kamikaze fell into the ocean and sunk to the bottom.


	8. Chapter 8

The following day, I had seen CeCe talking to the principal. Adam Booke and his friends, including Rachel's boyfriend, had been taken to a juvenile detention center for the rest of the year. They had stuffed illegal drugs into my locker. I bought CeCe a giftcard for the nearest bookstore and hoped that would pay her back for the large favor I now owed her.

As the months progressed, not much happened. I seemed to grow lonelier and lonelier, and Fiona and Blaine grew closer and closer. I decided I need to, quote, "get over" Fiona, like Catherine had suggested, but teenage hormones are a hard thing to control.

Now, in October, relationships had been established. Catherine had seemed to grow redder and redder whenever somebody talked about Chandler, almost to the point where Julius Root would be put to shame. But not quite.

November. The American/Canadian holiday Thanksgiving was coming up, and I was going to be celebrating with the Benningtons. Then, one day, Catherine came to school with a frown on her face. Her blond hair wasn't as brushed as it normally was. She only wore skinny jeans and a t-shirt today, not a fashionable top. Her eyes were sad and her face was low, as if she hadn't slept in a couple days. I wondered if she had stayed up too late the past couple nights, after all, it was Monday.

I proceeded to ask her what the problem was. I approached her while she was at her locker. "Catherine," I said, "Judging by your apparel and facial expressions, I'd say something was bothering you. What would that thing be?" Not only was I curious, but Catherine was a friend, and much like Holly had advised me, I should care about my friends.

Catherine gave me a look similar to her mother's "NOT NOW!" look that she often gave the children who misbehaved in her classroom. Then tears fell from her dark brown eyes and she ran down the hall almost as fast as I'd seen Holly run from trolls.

I tried to follow her, but Fiona appeared in my peripheral vision, and she looked at me with her large eyes. "I know where she's going, Artemis. And I know why. You don't have a Facebook, so you probably wouldn't know... but that's alright. We'll show you sometime... follow me."

Nervously, I followed Fiona down the hallway. Everyone looked in the direction Catherine had ran for a moment, then turned back to their lockers or whatever business they had attended to. Fiona walked with her back straight, one foot in front of the other, much like a New Yorker who was low on time and high in fashion.

Fiona finally slowed down and opened the door to the Custodian's closet. "Cathy," she said quietly. She turned to me and motioned for me not to say anything by putting a finger to her lips and giving me a hard, cold look. I nodded and acted like I wasn't the least bit scared of this girl.

"Cathy," she continued. "I know you're here." And then I heard it, a muffled crying sound. The sound of little tiny tears coming down the face of someone who you could never picture crying. Catherine wasn't an emotional person, besides the extremes she showed us at the lunch table when she got excited over little things, but she avoided talking about heartfelt things for the most part.

"Fiona," I heard Catherine say quietly. Her crying was only slightly more audible for a second, but then it returned to near silence.

Fiona and I stepped in the custodian's closet and Fiona pulled the light switch and shut the door. Now I could see the brooms and mop bucket that filled the fairly big closet, and I saw the stacks of garbage bags, and the varied assortment of cleaning chemicals in spray-bottles, and I saw Catherine.

It was a little shocking to see Catherine like this. Nearly petrifying. Her skinny jeans were bunched up around her knees when she normally was obsessive about them being straight and neatly stretched over her tiny kneecaps. Her mascara – which she didn't need, her eyelashes were already long enough, but her mother made her wear it – was smeared and made her look like a mime. Her shirt was only a t-shirt, not a nice, more formal shirt which she normally wore. Her blond hair wasn't neatly brushed or pulled back, it just stuck out of her head in a frizzled manner. Something bad had happened.

She sat in the corner, curled up in a ball, obviously forgetting her nyctophobia and arachnophobia. At least she didn't have claustrophobia.

Fiona went to sit next to her, and she motioned for me to come sit on the other side of her. Fiona put her small, yet I was certain comforting arm around her friend. I did the same, and Fiona shot me a look which she later described as an "OH MY GOODNESS FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH WHAT IN THE NAME OF THE DIDGERIDOO PLAYING JONAS BROTHERS DID YOU JUST DO!"

Now I'm not entirely certain who the Jonas Brothers are, nor was I at the time, so I just forgot about deciphering the look and let Catherine look up at me. I'd never seen her dark brown eyes that sad, full of tears, their usual shine now a shine of sadness. She pulled her face from her hands and stared at me with only sadness, not anger, or rolled eyes, or disappointment, and not even sarcasm.

She threw her arms around me and cried into my suit coat. "Artemis…" she sobbed. I held my hands up in shock involuntarily, but Fiona motioned for me to return the hug, something I didn't do that often. The only other female I'd ever hugged besides my mother was Holly.

She continued to sob into my sleeve. "Artemis…" she sobbed, her words unintelligible from the crying as well as muffled by the fabric. Was this polyester? No, not important, I thought.

"Chandler… Chandler… has a… has a girlfriend…" she sobbed, not letting go of me the entire time. I didn't know how I was helping, though I suppose having a shoulder to cry on assisted her at least a small fraction of the way.

Fiona reached over and patted her friend's back. "It's okay, Cathy," she said softly, like a chirping bird. "Artemis and I are here for you. It's going to be alright. There are other boys who will like you for your spontaneous behavior, your shining brown eyes, and your bubbly personality. You know that."

Catherine's crying quieted. "I just can't believe he lied to me!" She jumped up out of my arms and exploded. Then she proceeded to do a series of impersonations like she always did whenever she was infuriated. Fiona and I sat still.

"'Do you like her?' Beth asks," she impersonates Elizabeth perfectly. "'I don't date,' he answers." And she does Chandler's voice a little too high. "Beth comes back to me with a happy smile and says 'He might like you, but he said he doesn't date!' So what happens a week later?" She explodes into a fireball of spontaneous fury. I was glad she wasn't Opal Koboi. "WHAT HAPPENS, F!" She looks at Fiona, asking a question neither one of us are really sure is rhetorical or not. Apparently it was, because she explodes again in tears. "HE GETS A GIRLFRIEND! YOU KNOW IF YOU DON'T LIKE SOMEONE YOU SHOULDN'T DROP HINTS LIKE YOU DO! IDIOT!"

Catherine began kicking the cement wall so hard I thought that she might actually burst a hole into the next room. However, the laws of physics prevented things like that. But what happens whenever an unstoppable force hits an immobile object? Fiona had explained before that Catherine was able to defy the laws of physics. Until now I thought that was a joke.

"Catherine," I said, hoping to distract her. "Catherine!" I said, a little louder, but she only continued kicking the wall as if it was Chandler's rotting corpse. Part of me wished it was, though I shouldn't go around thinking morbid thoughts like that, I supposed. "Catherine," I paused. "Cathy." I said for the first time.

Catherine stopped kicking the wall. "Oh, now, you call me Cathy! It only took you until October!" She wiped more tears off her face.

"Cathy, I realize it must be hard to… erm… forget about Chandler," Fiona, out of Catherine's line of sight, shook her head furiously. She mouthed the words 'Don't say his name for the love of the didgeridoo-playing Jonas Brothers!' and I quickly replaced it with "Him."

"THANK YOU CAPTAIN OBVIOUS!" She cried, and collapsed. I dropped to my knees and tried to talk to her.

"Cathy, do you want to go to the movies sometime?" I asked her.

She looked up at me in shock, her smeared mascara covering her face. She looked like she was about to slap me, but I saw her face light up and her brown eyes sparkled. She actually smiled and then she chuckled, but it turned into a laugh. She laughed her happiest laugh and she grabbed my hands from the floor and squeezed them tight. Laughing, she responded, "I'd love to, Artemis. It's a date."


	9. Chapter 9

Somewhere during the day I saw Catherine with her iPod out in the hallway and she was dancing to Caramelldansen like a silhouette on an iPod poster with their hands in the air and their hair all over the place. She managed not to bump into anyone, but the whole thing was just so ridiculous that I had to manage a laugh.

Fiona, who I now realized I had no feelings for, stopped me in the hallway sometime after that incident and grabbed me by the arm and said, "Don't speak of this whole situation anywhere around Cathy's mom. She'll never let her live it down." She then walked on by like nothing had happened.

After Science, Catherine stopped me in the hallway, the farthest part of the hall from her mother's classroom.

"Hey Artemis," she said with a smile, flipping her hair back. Then she rolled her eyes, "Ugh, forget it. I'll just be straight with you. I'm not good with hair flipping and crap. You're going to pick me up at seven, got it?" She smiled and walked away. Was today the national American holiday, 'Say something important to Artemis Fowl and then walk away before he can respond' day?

I just stood there like a statue, wanting to have something witty and intelligent, and quite possibly sarcastic to say, but nothing really entered my mind. I looked at my watch. Ten, 'on the nose,' as Mrs. Bennington always said. Seven? I didn't even have any sort of transportation.

It took me two minutes to figure out a plan. I stepped into the boy's bathroom and pulled out my cell phone. I turned it on, and placed the call.

The phone rang for half a second, and then was picked up.

"Artemis, are you alright?" Butler's deep, worried voice came over the phone.

"Yes, I'm fine physically, though mentally I'm a little… dysfunctional." I answered.

"Oh," Butler said, I could discern that he was confused.

"Let me just cut right to the chase, old friend. I'm going on a date tonight."

There was an earth-shaking silence. After maybe a minute of no reply, I continued.

"I was instructed to pick her up at seven o'clock this evening. I don't have car, nor do I have a decent suit to wear. I need you to fly over with the Bentley limousine, and my best Armani. I'm not really sure where we're going, and I don't really know what we're planning to do, but I…" I paused. Butler was my closest friend. I had to tell him everything. "… really want to impress this girl. Please, hurry. I need the car and the suit as soon as you can manage. You should arrive at the Bennington's with the limousine and the suit at around six-twenty-two, if I'm correct. I expect to be on the phone with you from two-forty-five until then, so you can assist me in other ways I may want… or rather, need. I have no idea what I'm doing, Butler. So, could you help me?"

Another minute of silence. The one-minute bell rang. I had one minute before I was going to be late. Finally, Butler's voice, much quieter this time, came back.

"You're going on a date?"

Six thirty. I was dressed in my best suit, or, at least the best one I had brought with me. Where was Butler? I stared out the window of the Bennington's living room, waiting like a child or a dog waits for their parent or owner to come home after a day at work. Except until now I had forgotten to call Butler.

Finally, at six thirty three, the Black Bentley Limousine pulled into the driveway. Butler stepped out carrying a dry-cleaner's bag with my Armani inside. And then Juliet jumped out of the passenger's side and I was frightened. No doubt she'd have all sorts of tips and advice she'd need to give me. I was glad Butler brought her along.

Juliet ran up to the front door, and I immediately let her in. Mrs. Bennington was standing there the entire time, smiling, as if she knew something that I didn't. Though in any other situation she probably didn't.

"Arty!" Juliet exclaimed, and squeezed me. "I can't believe you're going on a date!" She shouted ecstatically, and let me go. She then turned around to let Butler in, and she stole the suit from him and shoved it into my hands. "Put this on! Now!"

All the way up the stairs I heard Juliet lecturing me on what and what not to do.

I was doomed.


	10. Chapter 10

I called Fiona. She knew where Catherine lived. I handed my cell phone over to Butler and she simply gave the directions to him, avoiding translation and criticism directed at her. I didn't even know I had her phone number in my contacts.

We arrived at Catherine's house, seven o'clock, on the nose.

I was starting to wonder if Mrs. Bennington had influenced my vocabulary.

When the Bentley limousine pulled up in front of her house, a thought occurred to me, and I leaned back in the car and slammed the door. "Butler, Fiona told me not to tell Catherine's mother she was going on a date. What is her mother going to expect whenever a limousine appears at their front door."

"Catherine? That's her name…?" Butler stared off into space, like he was remembering something.

"Oh, yes. I suppose I forgot to tell you that. Well, what am I to do?" I was anxious now, I'd hate to have Catherine embarrassed.

Butler, still staring off into space, it was quite unlike him, shrugged. "Catherine…" He shook his head, and then turned to me. "It's a chance we're going to have to take, Artemis."

I paused, looked down, and nodded. I checked myself in the rear-view mirror and sighed. I stepped out of the car, straightened my suit and proceeded up the front sidewalk. I came up to the solid oak door and rang the doorbell. I waited a fair amount of time, and then Catherine opened the door with a smile.

"Oh my goodness, Artemis Fowl!" She exclaimed, and laughed. "That's a bit formal! Where exactly were you planning to go? I thought you we were just going to go see a movie!" She laughed, and then I realized she was wearing cotton flannel pajamas and a t-shirt. Then I remembered how I had specifically asked her to a movie. I was so anxious about the idea of going "on a date" that I had completely forgotten.

"Well, then, Catherine, would you like to go to dinner?" I asked, and she laughed and let me in.

I waited for a few minutes while Catherine finished getting ready, and when she came down the stairs, I just about fell over. She wore a long green dress with long sleeves, and her short blonde hair was curled. She wore no make-up, but she didn't need it.

"C'mon, Fowl," she said. "I saw that limo, so let's see the inside."

I opened the door of the limousine for her to get in, and I realized something. You could fit at the maximum ten people in the limousine. There were two in the back. Two in the front, Butler and Juliet.

Four.

Four is death.

I then stepped away from the Bentley. Catherine looked at me oddly. "Artemis, what's wrong?"

"If I enter the limousine…" I began, "Then there would be four people in the car. Four. Four is death." I told her, and backed away from the Bentley.

Catherine looked at me, shocked and frightened. "Artemis, what's going on?"

Butler looked at me, scared. I saw him mouth the word, "Complex," and I knew. I had never been cured of Atlantis Complex. It was there, and it was tugging at my brain. I looked up, and suddenly it was snowing. The small part of reality I still grasped told me that it shouldn't be snowing this early in the year.

I lost control of my limbs. I involuntarily spread my arms and began a descent, falling towards the ground.

And when I hit, I opened my eyes, and awoke.

"Artemis!" Holly said happily as she saw her friend open her eyes. "Are you in pain?" She held Artemis's hand tightly.

"My princess," he said, and Holly's happy expression fell off her face. Then Artemis's eyes widened.

"No," he said. "I am not Orion. I am Artemis Fowl the second." He thought hard to himself.

Holly, confused, turned around and leaned out the door. "Dr. Argon, come quick, please." She said, trying to keep calm.

"I need to find Catherine Allison McDougal. At 205 North East 110th Street, in Kansas City, Missouri, United States. 64155." He blurted out.

Holly was frightened out of her mind. "Artemis? Who's that? Where is that?"

"I couldn't tell you, Holly." He said, falling back onto his pillows. "I visualized her, in a dream. She's there."

"And why do you need to find her?" Holly asked him, squeezing his hand, tears welling up in her eyes. She thought he was still Orion.

"I haven't the slightest sliver of an idea," he said, closing his eyes. "But I need to, and soon."

Fiona woke up from what was the best dream of her entire life. It ended when Artemis Fowl had fallen into the snow, which had only existed for a matter of seconds. She didn't understand, but as she turned to look at the book on her desk, _Artemis Fowl and the Atlantis Complex_, she knew.

She knew, deep in her heart, that he existed. And she hated herself for missing the Artemis Rocks tour, they had come to St. Louis. Artemis Fowl himself. But now, she was determined to find him.

"FIONA! UP!" Her mother said as she entered the room. But her daughter was already up. She was going through her copy of _The Atlantis Complex _like a madwoman, and she turned the pages furiously, looking for evidence of where Fowl Manor might be, the address, anything.

As soon as her mother spoke, however, Fiona froze. "Mom," she said. "Four syllables. Four is death, always."

Her mother looked at her with the weirdest look. "Is this Artemis Fowl again? When are you gonna learn that he doesn't exist, darling?" She rolled her eyes.

"FOUR!" Fiona screamed. "Twenty-four is a multiple of four, and four is death!" She counted every syllable on her fingers.

"Honey, that's it! I'm tired of you counting your words! I'm calling Dr. Smith." Her mother said, marching out of the room.

"Stop talking in fours!" She cried. "I will find you, Artemis Fowl, I will."


End file.
